How I become World Famous.

Okay, to be honest with you all, I'm very drunk while writing this, but this night has been so crazy that I doubt I'll remember it all sober. Though I may revise things when I have had a few hours to reflect and ...reflect. We started off the night with me not really feeling like drinking. I mean, I'll DRINK, but I just won't feel up to it.

So we get me good and drunk and decide to go to our regular Wednesday night drinking spot, Customs bar. I get 2 beers and pay in all change, because I have a huge abundance of 20 cent coins. I give the bartender about 30 cents extra because this poor girl has to count out $6 in 20 cent coins, and she deserves a little sumthin sumthin after that kind of nonsense. Well, she doesn't give a shit, and she practically tackles me to give me my 30 cents of change. I yelled at her saying something along the lines of "I'm just going to bring this change back to Customs later so you'll have to keep it sometime!"

While at Customs, I find a few Australian girls that I'd met a few weeks back, and they'd fallen in love with me. We drink a few together, and I go back to find my roommates. Phil and Cameron, a couple of my roommates think that one of my Australian friends is cute and I offer to introduce them. I do so, and as soon as Cameron tries to strike up a conversation with one of them, she decides to go to the toilet. She obviously finishes going to the bathroom, comes back, sees Cameron, and runs the other way. Super-amazing-ditch. She gets credit for having the guts to not come up with another excuse to ditch him.

So Phil and Cameron get bored with the current girls at the table for they are less interesting (read: not pretty). They decide to go over to the Brewery. I'm invited. Here's the toss up: Customs is my favorite bar, but it's impossible to buy a drink there after 10 PM because the lines create some sort of madness that requires a 68 minute wait for any type of beverage VERSUS Brewery, where they overprice everything, but a lot of people love to stay in the chill atmosphere. I decide to go to the brewery, mostly because I wasn't going to get a drink either way, and it's nice to get a change of scenery every now and then.

At the Brewery, we find a few girls from Iowa State (Represent!). I'd met them before, and I had just partied with them the night before. They both gave me a big hug and told me how much they loved me. I love it when people openly declare how awesome and lovable I am, so I immediately love them too. Then they told me that they had had a conversation earlier today about how much they loved me. I am obviously 'all that'. One of the girls, 'Hutch', shoves her drink to my face and pours. I can only swallow so fast. The excess flows down my face, but I catch it with my hand. I drink from my hand, because, at least where I come from, we don't waste that shit.

While at the Brewery, Phil is making friends too. Phil bought a button up shirt to try to dress better to get into bars, but the idiot buys a flannel button up shirt. WELL, there's a really short Australian guy at the Brewery who is also wearing a button up flannel shirt, and he's really excited to find another person of such refined taste. I taunt Phil for this a few minutes later, and he has no real response.

Phil, Cameron, and I decide to leave the Brewery before too long, and decide it's time to meet our friends at the local dance/nightclub, Fanny's. Cameron decides that he'd actually like to go back home. Probably the better choice. Phil and I walk about 3/4 of the way there when 2 Australian girls attack us.

Girls: "Come with us! We just came from Fanny's! It's boring!"
Us: "We're meeting friends and have to go to Fanny's."
Girls: "WHERE ARE YOU FROM?!??!?!"
Us: "Muthafuckin IOWA!"
Girls: "Is that in the south?!"
Us: "...middle... kind of by Chicago."
Girls: "We're going to the Great Northo (another bar)! Come with us!"
At this point, one girl is dragging me with her, and I'm about to join her on her crazy Australian adventure, and I really would have if Phil had seemed up to it.
Us: "We have to go to Fanny's. We'll be there for awhile..."
Girls: "THEY CLOSE AT 1:30! It's 11:50 now! Come with us! AND WE'LL BE BACK AT FANNY'S REALLY SOON!"
These girls are d.e.s.p.e.r.a.t.e.


We end up going to Fanny's, and we quickly find our friends. On the the dancefloor, I find a camera, wallet, and phone, which I quickly snatch up and consider keeping forever. Until I look through the phone. I have A LOT of the same names in my phone. SHIT. This is one of my friends phones, and most likely, their camera and wallet. I ask around. It's Lauren H's stuff. Jesus. Her dancing is so outrageous, she has no idea that she's literally losing her shit over it.

After a few black people songs at Fanny's, I get bored and realize I have no idea how to dance to music I've never heard before. I decide to walk back, and tell my friends I'm leaving. I make it most of the way home before I turn onto my street. There are port-o-potties, grills, orange cones, and people everywhere. I'm amazed. One of the workers has me pause and read one of their signs out loud. Me being a speech minor, I sounded pretty legit. They filmed me walking up the rest of the street (I was just trying to get home), and at the end of the road, another worker had me sign a release form. Turns out, I just filmed an Australian car commercial. I have no idea how or why, but there should be no doubt to my world fame.

To be revised whilst sober