My new Family.

It was a friday night, and a bunch of us decided to go drinking. Shocker. I had had a bottle of wine and was pretty drunk when we decided to walk down to the closest bar, the Brewery. They have a live band on friday nights out on their pier, so after we ordered at the bar, we went to an outside table. Our table had run out of chairs after I, the gentleman, let the women sit down first. There was a table to our left that had a small group of people and a large amount of chairs. I did my usual bold-drunk move of walking up to the people and asking for a chair. The oldest woman who seemed about 50 said, "You better not take any chairs!" I shrugged and started walking away when she grabbed my arm and said she was only kidding.

Woman: "I was only kidding! This is the first time I've been out in 7 years!"
Rob: "Sweet. So I can have a chair?"
Woman: "...wait. Say something else!"
She noticed my beautiful accent and wants more of the Rob. Who can blame?
Rob: "What do you want me to say?"
Woman: "ANYTHING"
Rob: "Well, I'm from the United States and I'm here until July, studying at the Uni."

At this point she was practically creaming her pants, and was loving the shit out of me. I of course love people who love me more, and appreciated her. I took the chair back to my table where all 7 girls were taking pictures. AGAIN. It's like they need 5000 pictures of the same people at the same place at a time that looks the same as always. They paid zero attention to me, and I quickly got bored. I asked my friend Jamie to take a picture of me with my public, and I walked back to the older woman. She was delighted when I returned, which in turn, made me delighted.

I got a few sweet pictures, and this woman kept giving me hugs. Her name was Annette, and soon I was introduced to her entire family. I met her daughter Suzie, whom I was told later had terrible depression, and had tried to commit suicide earlier that week. Then I met her daughter-in-law Annette, yes, another one, who liked me almost as much as Annette #1. I finished my beers by the time I'd met Annette #2, and Suzie bought me 2 more. I was LOVIN all over this new family. Soon, I met both Annette and Suzie's husbands and they started giving me advice about what wineries I should try the next day for my wine tour.

Annette #1 did not like the fact that I was now paying attention to others, and demanded that her home phone number be in my phone. That's cool, and I allow them all to enter their numbers. World famous.

They then invited me over to their Kangaroo ranch for BBQs every Saturday. I have yet to call them and take up this delicious offer.



They also kept telling me how attractive I was, and Annette #1 told me many, MANY times that she was honoured to meet me. Hell, I would be too. I'm so glad I'm myself, because damnit, I would be a stalker of me if I wasn't.

Also, after they impressed upon me how great looking I was, Annette #1 turned to the table full of girls and asked if any of them were "special". I laughed and told her no, and outed myself to this perfect stranger, which is a rare spectacle. She told me that I need to start dating her grandson... who was 30. THIRTY. I'm cursed. I said that I'm sure I would love to, but I'm not really capable of having a good relationship overseas.

Just then, my friends at the other table had decided that they had enough pictures of each other and wanted to go to the upper deck. They were probably going up there to find guys, so I told them that I would do just fine with my family who kept buying me drinks.

After a few nonsense conversations with these people, they started telling me how careful I need to be around Newcastle. I thought that they were just being overprotective, but Annette #2 told me a story that made me think otherwise: Ice is the name of a drug in Australia that creates really unpredictable behavior. Newcastle is the Ice capital of the world. She had had a friend who tried Ice for the first time a year ago, and he dug his finger into his eye socket, popped out his eye and ate it. That was enough of a story for me to want to leave. They all told me that no matter what the distance, I need to start taking taxis wherever I go. It's worth the money for safety. Whatever. I have beers to buy. Safety be damned.

We talked for a long while before I realized that my friends ditched me a while ago, and I should go find them. I say goodbye to everyone and head upstairs. The girls laugh at me and tell me how strange I am, but they can suck it, cause I got about 4 beers off of them. And a sweet new urge to try Ice.