New Zealand pt. 1

I'm most likely banned for life from New Zealand due to my drinking escapades which I will go into detail with part 2. Part 1 is going to be the wholesome family oriented material, which I did plenty.

We arrived in Christchurch after a much better international flight than the one I had taken from the US. They served free alcohol on this one. Part 2, I know, but STILL. We got on a shuttle that took us right to our hostel, which was right next to Christchurch's famous cathedral. It was pretty cool. What wasn't cool was the people in Christchurch. You'll see dead bodies with more life than the people there. To get to our bedroom, you had to walk through this common area which was completely packed full of people, who just laid there... They didn't even look up when we opened the door. AND they stayed that way all night. When we left the next morning, they were STILL just laying there. Now that I think about it, they could actually be dead bodies. Creepy.

Well, we left the next morning to catch our bus to Queenstown. Tourist capital of the world-- my friends would fit right in. We stayed at Hippo Lodge that in Queenstown, and the very helpful receptionist helped us plan some extreme activities. I was to skydive in the morning of the 17th and go on a Lord of the Rings tour that afternoon. The next morning we were to leave on a sweet bus tour of the south island called Kiwi Experience. We had a sweet bus driver named Steff, who is one of about 3 people who actually LIVE in New Zealand.

We drove to Dunedin, and toured the Cadbury chocolate factory, and that was actually all we did. I was frantically searching for any form of literature and God provided me with some Jehovah's Witness pamphlets, which I quickly read, and then donated them to the New Zealand Salvation Army's book donation box. Spread the word of Jehovah.

The next day, we went to some strange beach and found a sea lion who was nice enough to poop and pee for us before it passed out again. Steff got excited and started taking to us about drinking. Part 2 material. We drove to Invercargill where in Part 2, I will go into extreme depth about how drunk we got, and explain the worst thing I've ever done to any human being. ever.

But that's part 2, so people who prefer to believe that I'm a saint, don't read that. Pretend I just stayed in Dunedin at the chocolate factory feeding homeless and handing out Jehovah pamphlets.

After Invercargill, it was Valentines Day, and Tammy was to be my Valentine that day. She was extremely hungover and not looking too healthy, so I kept making Valentine's jokes at her expense. I'm a great Valentine, I know, but I at least looked adorable, like always. She looked like she was riding under the bus, not in it. We went to Te Anu that afternoon and we decided to make dinner for ourselves. Tammy made fun of me for not making her dinner for Valentines. hahaha, WAIT! When we decided to be Valentines, I wanted flowers, and she of course, wanted food. Chocolate to be precise. I asked why she didn't want flowers and her answer was, YOU CAN'T EAT FLOWERS!! hahahahahaa

We stayed the night in Te Anu and left the next morning for Milford sound. It's probably the most beautiful place I've ever seen, and there's no real way to make that funny... sorry

We ended up in Queenstown, and prepared ourselves for the next day's extreme activities.

WELL, skydiving got cancelled due to rain, and I just ended up sleeping all morning, and went on the LOTR tour, which was kinda neat, but not as neat as skydiving would have been. Especially since we had LOSER tour guides who kept making lame jokes that no one payed attention to.

The next day we went to Christchurch again and we flew back to Sydney. Tammy and I then hired a cab and made it to our house in Newcastle. Part 1 deserves a G rating compared to what Part 2 is going to be. But that's going to wait, cause I'm sick of writing now.

Sydney

We arrive in Sydney and take a van to our hostel, Wake Up. It's about 10 am, but we all feel like it's at least 3 pm. Jet lag-- weird shit. Well, we all take showers, and get ready to explore the city a little. Realize that our hostel is about 3 miles away from the Sydney Opera House. We were planning on visiting the nearest park. We walk around a little and with the use of a map, I find that we've come to Sydney only to end up in Chinatown. Great. It's like Iowa State campus all over again. Anyway, my group is hungry, so we eat at this odd smelling kabob stand. For those of you who don't know, a kabob is an Afghanistan treat made of dirty meat and sticks. Awesome. I order a water. We end up walking to the park. I am quickly distracted by fountains. Tammy and I share a love of running water. Just in case you weren't aware, there are fountains every 50 meters from Wake Up hostel to the Sydney Opera House. Yes, it WAS necessary to see every last one, and my group was satisfied with the rationalization that they'd get to see the Opera House. Tourists.

The rest of Sydney is kind of a blur except for the people I met and other things so I'll just tell you about the unimportant crap here:

-We took a ferry so we could get sweet pictures. I forgot my camera. The sun wasn't shining, and I got really cold. I was also hungover. On a boat. Do you know what chumming is?
-We ran into Aborrigines (spelling) playing the diggereedoo along with techno music. They sold CDs. I own one.
-We went to Bondi beach, which is Sydney's most famous. Meh, it was okay. Really crowded. And recently, the news has been boasting about all the Great White Shark attacks there. Awesome.

Now for the more important things-- Parties, fool. Our hostel, like all hostels apparently, had a bar attached. It's name is Side Bar. When we got back from the Opera House, we met one of our roommates named Suzie. Suzie is an amazing person who had a similar humor to my own, so I of course fell in love. Suzie told us about Side Bar and how we'll learn to hate it. Not exactly true. Throughout the night, we ended up meeting the rest of our roommates, Sarah and Emily included. Sarah was really adorable... Oh, shit, they're all from england... I forgot to say that. I'm a crap writer, but you're reading this anyway. Okay, well anyway, Sarah and I ended up drinking together a lot. Suzie sometimes, and I didn't really get to know Emily. Sydney kind of became a blur of 3 nights, so I don't really know where to go from here... I guess my last night was the night I got the most drunk, and it capped off with a pillow fight in the commonplace with a guy from the Netherlands. Weird. I woke up the next morning for our flight with another hangover, blood under my fingernail, and what felt like a broken tailbone. I couldn't tell you how. Now that Sydney had gotten a taste of the Rob Barger hurricane, it was time to inflict myself upon New Zealand.

Flying in Planes.

My flight left the states on Feb. 5. We first flew from Minneapolis to Chicago. It was pointless. Once in Chicago, we had to wait about 3 hours for our next flight to San Francisco, so my group (Me, Tammy, Christina, Andrew, and Ryan) just kinda chilled, and I drew a unicorn on my taupe colored neck bag containing my passport. I named the unicorn Billy, because it is my firm belief that fantastic creatures need excruciatingly normal names. But I digress. We eventually got on our 4 hour flight to San Fran, and I was the lucky one who got stuck in the middle seat next to a stranger. She didn't like me very much, but that's her loss, because I'm great. Tammy keep enchanting all of those around us by laughing out loud whilst reading a book. God, she's great. Anyway, we landed and had about 35 minutes to get to the international terminal and make our flight. I was still wearing pants, which I hate doing, so I changed and got on the 14 hour flight. Technically, in Iowa, the flight had taken off around 2 am. Everyone on the plane almost immediately went to sleep, but the crew is full of people with a really sick sense of humor and they told us it was time for dinner. Our choices were mystery meat or pasta. Pasta was delicious. This story will improve, I swear. I immediately shovel all my food into my mouth, and try to sleep. Again on this flight, I was forced to sit next to the stranger, but she seemed to like me okay. Still not well enough for me to sleep on her, so I didn't risk it. And people wonder how I'm so popular! It's called chivalry. ANYWAY, I was sitting next to Tammy who also fell asleep, but here's the kicker: "I hope I wake up for food." That one line will torment her for the rest of our semester together. I have made relentless jokes at her expense about food. It wouldn't be that bad except for what happened later...

Tammy falls asleep, throwing half of her body into the aisle. The food cart walks by around 5 am iowa time, 9 pm plane time. The cart crashes into Tammy's foot waking her. She takes the food extremely pleased with her genius plan to wake up for food. You know I can't resist throwing that in her face a few times. If you watch 30 rock, you'll understand that I'm treating Tammy much like Jenna was treated during her 'fat' episodes.

Okay, maybe this story isn't so great, but it all takes place in airports and planes...

Well, after many more meals for Tammy, we land in Sydney which was a stunningly bright and warm place. I made it through customs using my coy smiling ability and being so goddamn chivalrous that no one questioned me. TAMMY however, got caught by the dogs for-- having food. and when we went through the x-rays, she nearly got raped by the officer because her cereal was like corn flakes, but it wasn't. The officer told me that he liked my shirt. How do I do it?!

Preface!

I am writing about most of this stuff weeks after I did them, so many of the memories will be garbled, strange, and most likely made up. Enjoy regardless!