This night is not really blog worthy after all the other entries that I have, but since I haven’t written anything stupid in awhile, I’ll just give you a somewhat entertaining entry.
It was Wednesday, April 8th and the sun had just broken through the clouds after a week of gloom. I decided to go for a walk down to Fletcher park and et the sun warm me AND MY T-SHIRT HOODIE up. When I was walking back to the house, I was alone for far too long with my thoughts, and began to crave some alcohol. I now have a school schedule that makes me go to campus on Tuesday and Thursday, making drinking every night a definite possibility. When I got home, I went out to the patio and asked Phil if he was getting hammered tonight. He replied that he was going to start drinking at that moment. It was 5:00. I was impressed. I decided to use some of my limited self control and hold off the drinking until 6:00. It was a rough hour.
Because Phil and I have penises, we were completely dressed and ready for the bar at 6:10, so we did our usual wait-for-the-girls routine of playing a few games of War. I am pleased. The way to make War into a drinking game is simple. Every time someone loses a same-card war, they must drink. We play a couple games when Phil realizes that he has locked himself and Cameron out of their apartment. They now must break in via screened window. I watch with slight amusement, and Jamie, now ready, comes out and we play War.
Around 7:00, everyone is ready and has a drink. I am half-wasted. Phil is completely tanked. I think his exact words were: “Muddafuckin shit-tanked.” He was supposed to go meet other ISU girls for pre-game, but he was too drunk to do anything but drink more. We’ve all been there. Tammy complains that she needs a game that will get her wasted. I broke out the game that Bob, my roommate from last year, used on me on my birthday. It’s called the Rob Birthday Game. It is not fun. Tam does well at first, but then owes a bunch of drinks. She is muddafuckin shit-tanked. Never ask to play the Rob Birthday Game.
We start playing Circle of Death, just like in New Zealand. We have a rule that when one draws a 5, they have snake eyes. Anyone who looks this person in the eye owes one drink. For some cruel reason, it’s always a girl who picks this card. And for some awesome reason, God made girls have boobs. Phil and I (yes, boobs are awesome, even to the gays) stare into their cleavage and as a little bit of fun, name them. The girls have ultimately become their boob’s bodies. Tammy’s are named Baby Blue and Maggie May. Jamie’s are named Mary Kate and Ashley—Phil is not creative. Lauren’s are named Sunshine Starla and Bountiful Bonnie. Tammy decides to name my testicles. The left one is named Prince Charming. The right is Prince Handsome. I am pleased.
Also during this game, the song Soulja Boy comes on. Cameron captures all of us doing the dance with his video camera. Folks, before the video leaks onto the internet, I’d like to say this disclaimer: I do not know the Soulja Boy. I claim to know it, and do indeed know about 3 of the moves. When you see this video, you will see 5 very drunk people do this dance, but you will see 1 of those 5 stare at the other people, furiously trying to learn it. I am that 1.
At some point, I declare to myself that everyone needs a hug this night, and it becomes my mission to force my hugs upon everyone. Some are not pleased. I am VERY pleased. We go to Customs bar, and I order my usual—2 beers. I somehow collect an astounding amount of change every week, so I paid for these with a handful of change. The bartenders are usually pissed and annoyed when I do this. This bartender laughs, takes the change and tells me to go away. I am pleased. Tammy orders 2 beers also, but realizes she is too drunk to finish one, let alone two. Rob’s Birthday Game—nuff said. I finish the beers and clinch the final hug from Phil. He is resistant. I get the hiccups. DAMN.
Tammy and I decide to leave. We are both muddafuckinshittanked. We decide to go get Harry’s Meat Pies. Meat Pies are gross, but they serve Mashed potatoes and gravy too. Tammy orders Mashed Potatoes with extra gravy, and when she gets it, she spills her dish all over the ordering counter. I order the same thing, and grab tissues to hide her mess. She also grabs tissues and pats the counter with them. Visual: 2 REALLY drunk people trying to hide gravy that was spilled directly in front of the guy behind the counter. He tells us to stop. I get my dish and pour gravy into Tammy’s. I don’t really like gravy, and she was bereft. She tells me she loves me. I am pleased.
We make it home and I promptly start drunk-facebooking. It’s a terrible habit. End of night.
I leave on Saturday for Spring break. We’re doing something called extreme adventures and the people we talked to told us to be prepared for the drunkest week of our life. I am intrigued and doubtful. Australia has never heard of Rob Barger’s VEISHEA adventures.
